I’ve been spinning my wheels and it has to stop! I am no longer willing to allow myself to be stuck in a haze of bewilderment with lack of forward movement. It’s time to get on the path I am meant to travel and turn my groove on. Perhaps you can relate and are ready too!
Here’s my story . . .
Life hasn’t gone as planned. And believe me it’s not due to a lack of planning or determination. The responsibility all lies with me. I haven’t been able to admit to that until fairly recently. 😉
I knew there were always outside forces messing up my plans or working against me. How dare them! After all how could someone full of ambition, willing to take risk, and has passion, fail unless something was interfering?
After spending much time reflecting and learning, I can answer my own question. I was more concerned with feeding my ego than my spirit. My time was spent obsessing to have more. I was trying to be like the people I was jealous of. Problem was . . . that wasn’t who I was meant to be, I was just chasing an image. The image of a prestigious job title, more responsibility, power over others, and of course, a bigger salary.
I thought something was wrong with me. I moved from job to job within 12-24 months at a time. I aggravated people with my need to improve things. When I got bored, I would cause problems, just so I would have something to fix. My behavior strained relationships, especially at work. And there I sat thinking “why are people so against me?”
Well finally, I had the fortune to work with people who saw the value I could bring to an organization. They were willing to give me the feedback to understand and explore myself. I learned that my eagerness to improve things meant that I was imposing change on people who were naturally resisting it. My ambition translated to the extreme and made me narrow minded. My overbearing tendencies made me ineffective and spoiled my tactics – even though my intentions were always good.
My culture index (a really cool profiling tool) labels me as an “Architect.” Boy howdy, does that hit the nail of the head and explains a lot! I learned that my natural tendencies could work in my favor if I understood them and learned how to effectively put them in action. I am a designer and builder. I am extremely organized and I love coming up with ideas on how to solve problems and improve systems. I am a process maniac. CRAZY, right?
But even still, here I am today, stuck in a circling pattern. As a person of integrity, I started this blog to hold myself accountable. I can’t write about it, if I don’t do it myself! 🙂 Ok, that’s a step in the right direction, but life still isn’t moving in the direction I want. So, I have been exploring why. The answer is pretty simple, but carries so much weight. I am scared. Yep, it’s true. I am afraid to look stupid or fail. It took some deep reflection to realize that a fear is paralyzing me.
I’ve always been overly concerned about what others think of me. I am sensitive and take things personally. Due to all the crud build up I have allowed, I have developed a habit of seeing the world and situations through a contaminated lens. I know full well that I have created this problem within myself and my assumptions have made me out to be an ass. Yes, indeedy!
But now I am aware that I have control in the meaning I assign things. So, I will move past it. Hakuna Matata. Put your behind in the past. 🙂
Marie Forleo’s shared a video in her weekly Q&A, called “How to Get Anything You Want,” which gave me the inspiration I needed. You can watch it by clicking here. Check it out! I adore this woman! She is beautiful inside and out, tells it like it is, and gives people all over the world courage to be remarkable.
Today, I am ready to face my fears. I have several projects I plan to move forward and I am letting my inhibitions fall away. If you like what I am doing on this blog, please share it with others. I am going to keep at it for my own benefit, but if there is anyone out there reading my posts and finding value in them – I would love to hear from you and know if you liked it enough to spread the word that I am here ranting away. 🙂 Let’s be intentional together! The more the merrier!!!
We all have the power to live our purpose. All you have to do is decide and commit to it.
I leave you with a little bit of goodness from en*theos.com. I find these posts absolutely fitting!
Growth or Safety by Brian Johnson
Simplify, Take the Razor to Some Assumptions by Ian Lawton
Question – What keeps you from living the life you want? Please share your answer in the comments below.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes